


picture the sun

by mandubin



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: 5 +1, 5 Times, Fluff and Angst, Lowercase, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, but theres some good ol' angst mmm, dont worry there's a happy ending, except its not really 5 + 1 its more like just 6 but eh, just wanted to write something for taegyu bc i love them, lapslock, literally word-vomited this at 2am, soft, taegyu, txt best friends wooo, whipped + oblivious taehyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandubin/pseuds/mandubin
Summary: “if you tell me this now, will you remember tomorrow morning?” taehyun whispers, as if saying it any louder would break this tentative something that was forming quickly- way too quickly. beomgyu hums.“will you?” he turns slightly so he can look up at taehyun, and his heart nearly leaps when he sees the look in his eyes- a bit sad, longing, hopeful.it’s the alcohol. it’s all just the alcohol speaking.“ask me tomorrow and we’ll see.” taehyun says, a painful grip on his heart tightening as the taxi pulls up outside beomgyu’s house.--taehyun's been in love with beomgyu for six years.he never does anything about it, until one day he finally does.alternatively: 5 ways beomgyu says i love you to taehyun, and the 1 time it's finally clear to taehyun.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 19
Kudos: 163





	picture the sun

**Author's Note:**

> AYOOO its 6am where i am and i started this at 2am. forgive mistakes.
> 
> idk where i got this idea but i had this excerpt from an older unfinished fic that was never written so i used it here!! i may have been projecting on bb beomgyu but hey who doesn't do a bit of healthy projecting amirite haha
> 
> i just rlly wanted to write soft fluffy pining (slightly angsty) taegyu!! angst was always my preferred genre just because it was easier for me to truly portray, but i love happy endings so here you go!! okay this is going on for too long but
> 
> TW: mention of alcohol, drinking, mention of wanting to get h*t by a car at one point but its very very brief and its literally just that short but still if you're uncomfortable then refrain from reading!!
> 
> also: feel free to listen to drunk and like i need u by keshi while reading 4. :)

on his very first day at school, taehyun met beomgyu. 

when they first met, taehyun was still small; not short, but still growing into himself, his eyes too big for his face, always looking all over the place in awe. when he was entranced in something, he would stay very, very still, all of the attention centred in his eyes, like rays that dissected whatever it was he was so interested in. he knows he’s always come across as _cold—_ not intimidating, just not the most friendly and welcoming.

on the contrary, beomgyu was fidgety. taller than taehyun, but in the same almost foal-like way, he was all awkward angles, save for the well-balanced softness in his features. he could be jumpy, which was understandable; all that nervous, coiled-up energy in his limbs made it hard for him to sit too still for long. but he was warm, like home, like a well-worn sweater.

that fated first day, taehyun was stopped by a tall junior with a soft slyness in his features. 

“freshman, right? go up to the rooftop. that’s where your orientation will be taking place,” he’d said, a smile gracing his features. taehyun tilts his head, confused yet unsure about whether to listen to his senior or the guidebook.

“yeah, i know it says the hall on that book, but trust me. rooftop.” his smile widens into a grin, and the taller, gentle-looking boy next to him nudges him with a slight frown. 

“o-okay,” taehyun manages to reply. he’s not usually one to fall for pranks, but he might as well just go and check out the rooftop since he had some time to spare— his parents had made sure that he would arrive early for his first day in high school. 

if he hadn’t given that junior the benefit of the doubt that day, he would never have met beomgyu.

— 

taehyun manages to find and goes up to the rooftop.

(“go straight down the hallway, turn left, then go into the door on your right and walk all the way up,” the junior had said, the same lazy grin not leaving his face. the taller boy next to him nudges him again, harder this time, to which the other junior boy pouts in response. “let me know how it goes, freshie!” he calls out as he walks back down the hallway in the opposite direction, his tall friend next to him chastising him quietly for something taehyun can’t quite catch.)

when he opens the door, he’s met with a cooling gust of wind to his face. it’s only four floors up, but it already feels like it’s a different place from the hallway he was just in.

“you are?”

he jumps slightly at a voice that calls out somewhere from his right. when he turns, he sees a boy— dark-haired, small-framed but lanky. he had on the school uniform but without the blazer and with the top button open on his white school shirt.

“kang taehyun,” taehyun introduces after steadying his voice and saying his name like how he’d practiced it at home for two days so he didn’t stammer. “i’m a freshman.”

“ah.” the other boy’s widen in recognition, then narrow in mild, not unfriendly suspicion. “did someone tell you orientation was up here? tall, kinda looks like a fox?”

“yeah.” taehyun frowns. “are you a freshman, too?”

“no,” the other boy scoffs. “and you just got lied to on your first day of school.”

funnily enough, taehyun already expected it. he just shrugs and turns to leave, but not before the boy calls out to him, 

“i’m choi beomgyu, by the way.”

taehyun turns back and smiles, brighter than he intended to, more genuine than he thought he was coming across. 

“bye, beomgyu-ssi.”

as he walks back into school, he fails to see the way the slight breeze ruffles beomgyu’s dark, messy hair, or the way his face seems to light up with a smile at taehyun saying his name.

—

  1. ‘ _here, let me get that for you.’_



taehyun curses, yet again, at his lack of height.

it’s not like he’s short or anything. actually, he’s pretty tall for his age (or so his mom likes to tell him) and standing at 5”8 is a feat not many other boys have completed at the age of 16.

however, there are some moments in which he wishes he were just a little bit taller. not even freakishly tall like soobin— although admirable, taehyun had seen the elder struggling with keeping his legs to himself under the small cafeteria tables and hitting his head on low-hanging branches one too many times to still wish for that height.

no, he was content with just a couple extra inches. maybe around yeonjun’s height, or—

“taehyun?” 

he turns, startled at the sudden call, and nearly bumps into choi beomgyu’s shoulder.

“ah, beomgyu-hyung,” taehyun calls. “you scared me.”

“sorry,” beomgyu says with a sheepish grin. “i didn’t think you were such a scaredy-cat.”

taehyun swats at him lazily, used to his casual jabs, then remembers what he came for and sighs.

“something up?” beomgyu frowns. it’s only been slightly more than a year since they’d met, but at 17, beomgyu’s features have already sharpened into something akin to handsome, with his thick brows and high brow bone accentuating his soft, deep set eyes, his jaw finer and more angled. taehyun’s heard girls from his year whispering about beomgyu whenever the elder dropped by his class for a cheeky visit and just gushing over him in general.

“no, i just need that book but it’s up _there_ and some kid broke the step stool last tuesday so now i can’t reach it.” taehyun pouts, clearly not realizing how adorable it makes him look.

beomgyu’s expression softens. “i see. _the travelling cat chronicles,_ right? here, let me get that for you.”

casually, he tiptoes slightly and reaches up past taehyun’s head. the younger sort of freezes, unsure of where to put his hands or face or anything, really, so he just stays there, leaning lightly against the bookshelf. 

“here you go,” beomgyu says, passing the book to taehyun and (blessedly) missing the slight red spots high up on his cheekbones. 

“thanks,” taehyun mutters, and clears his throat. 

beomgyu’s face breaks out into a grin. “ _so,_ about not wanting to be called tiny—”

taehyun swats at him again, the red on his cheeks gone.

  1. ‘ _i’m proud of you.’_



it’s february, and taehyun feels like he’s standing high up on the balcony again, overlooking the world.

“good job, taehyunnie!” yeonjun cheers, wrapping taehyun into a big, one-armed hug, the other hand holding onto a large bouquet of flowers that he then shoves at the younger. 

taehyun accepts them, a large grin on his face. his features have sharpened over the years, his baby fat disappearing and his good proportions finally coming to the forefront. calm, dark brown eyes that were once too big for him now settled nicely on his small face, complimented by a high, straight nose bridge and a set of just-right lips that still don’t change his habit of his jaw dropping slightly whenever he’s too concentrated in something.

“thanks, yeonjunie-hyung.” he beams gratefully, and soobin reaches out to ruffle his hair. 

“taehyunnie, i won our bet,” hueningkai says gleefully, holding a bouquet of flowers of his own. “i believe we _did_ agree that if i was taller than you by graduation, you would buy me new plushies, correct?”

taehyun scowls good-naturedly. “it’s not fair that you started growing at an _inhuman_ rate once we hit 17. do you sleep with your feet stuck in fertilizer?” yeonjun and soobin laugh at the joke while hueningkai sputters at the jab. 

“say whatever you want. i’m the one getting plushies _and_ i’m almost soobin-hyung’s height now, so take that, taehyunnie!” kai squeals as taehyun proceeds to swat at him playfully as soobin makes an indignant noise. 

“woah, _my_ height?” but he goes ignored as taehyun starts to chase hueningkai through the crowd, hearing kai’s sharp dolphin shrieks here and there as the two elders assume he’s been caught.

their assumption is proved right when taehyun and hueningkai return, the latter looking slightly worse for wear, his hair messier than before they’d taken off running.

“i’ll treat you all to dinner tonight. my treat, since my _babies_ have finally graduated,” yeonjun says, his tone somewhere in between teasing and actual sincere admiration toward his younger friends.

“since you’re buying dinner, i’ll let the ‘babies’ thing go for today,” taehyun huffs. then, almost by instinct, he looks around for a familiar blond head. 

soobin notices him looking, and says kindly but not condescendingly, “he’ll join for dinner. says he had to rush for a last-minute shift.”

“oh,” taehyun replies. _oh._ was he sad? he doesn’t really know, but something inside him sort of withers a little bit.

it was just beomgyu.

smiling, cheerful, moodmaker beomgyu, who always gave a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. the glue that held their friend group together when he wasn’t even all that properly held together himself, sometimes. yet he never showed it.

beomgyu. 

“uh, can one of you hold this for me, i’m— i’m going to speak to a teacher real quick,” he says hurriedly, passing his bouquet to soobin, who takes it with understanding.

“we’ll wait here, okay? remember your parents wanna go get jjajjangmyeon together for lunch!” kai calls after him, and taehyun throws up the ‘ok’ hand signal in response before rushing off.

he heads to the rooftop and finally takes a deep breath, a little bit lightheaded after having run all the way here from the hall. 

_not here._

what was he looking for, anyway? 

maybe it was that last feeling of nostalgia. catch the last few moments that he remembered so fondly up here like they were the final dregs of coffee in a cup. he goes to the edge of the rooftop, looking down upon all of the parents, teachers and students who were gathered in random little trios and duos outside, taking pictures and chatting. some of them were crying.

in a strange way, he feels both detached and also way too familiar with that feeling.

closing his eyes, he remembers all of the lunchtimes he spent up here, the few classes he’d allow himself to skip when it really got too much for him to bear, the casual banter between the others as they’d spend the best moments of his high school life here with him.

in a way, it was freeing— no more everyday homework, no more competing with who got the highest in class, no more waking up at 6am every single day. 

in another way, it was scary— he was going to be considered an adult from now on. more in-depth, intensive classes, no more spoon feeding, no obliged friendliness.

he sighs.

then, the door opens behind him.

“taehyun.”

when he hears his name spoken like a sigh of relief in that familiar voice, taehyun turns around quickly.

and there he is, blond hair messy and windswept, his face slightly red as if he had run here, which he probably had.

taehyun smiles wide, brightly, when he sees beomgyu, his eyes creasing up like they do when he smiles from the bottom of his heart.

“hyung, i thought you had to work?” taehyun asks, and beomgyu nods. 

“i do. in fact, i ran here so i could make it before your graduation ends, and i’ll have to run back again before my fifteen minutes break is up, but—” beomgyu’s face splits into a grin as he holds up a paper bag that he passes to taehyun (that taehyun later finds out is filled with a selection of his favourite snacks and a small bear-shaped plush toy keychain).

the younger doesn’t even glance at what’s in the bag before enveloping beomgyu in a hug. taehyun’s grown, and beomgyu hasn’t, but taehyun has yet to catch up to the elder, so he rests his forehead down comfortably on beomgyu’s shoulder as he hugs him.

“thanks for making it, hyung,” taehyun says, muffled by beomgyu’s jacket. the elder, while momentarily stunned, smiles a softer smile that taehyun doesn’t see as he hugs the younger back.

“of course i would. hello, i’m your favourite hyung, right?” beomgyu says teasingly. taehyun breaks apart from the hug and frowns good-naturedly. 

“sure. just for today,” he says, and beomgyu rolls his eyes.

“i’ll see you for dinner later, right?” to which taehyun nods, “great. now, i need to go before my partner notices i’ve been gone too long.”

before he leaves, he ruffles taehyun’s hair with a gentle smile on his face and a warm shine in his eyes.

“i’m proud of you, tyun.”

then, he turns and runs down the steps, leaving taehyun alone on the rooftop with a steadily reddening face and a heart full of warmth.

  
  


  1. ‘ _take this. it’s for you.’_



what’s with this stupid lecture hall and being freezing _all_ the time?

no, actually, what’s with taehyun for forgetting his jacket and leaving it at home even though he should really know better at this point?

“shit,” he hisses as he tries to type on his laptop. his fingers are way too cold; they’re so cold that it feels like he’s trying to maneuver ice sticks at the end of his hand. he’s sure he’s already lost any feeling in the tip of his nose.

 _fuck it. i’ll live._ he tells himself in his head, teeth gritted. he puts his hands between his knees for a few seconds of blessed body heat, but that lasts for approximately a minute before they’re cold, again. 

taehyun kind of wants to cry now. 

he hates the feeling of being a crybaby, of breaking down at such a trivial thing. he’s never been one to deny himself any emotions, and he’s been pretty good at giving himself the time and space to cry when he needs to let things out, but come _on._ it was 9am and all he was crying about was a too-cold classroom? sure, he’d only gotten an hour of real sleep before that, and yeah, maybe he was about to rip his hair out over irresponsible groupmates that may or may not ruin all of the effort he’d put in for the last stretch of this semester.

but still. 

just as he’s contemplating shoving his whole arm down his pant leg to seek some warmth, he hears a whisper from behind him. 

“ _psst._ tyun.”

he whips his head around so quickly he’s sure he has a crick in his neck now and is met, face-to-face, with choi beomgyu.

“ _gyu-hyung,_ ” taehyun hisses, both grateful and worried at the elder’s sudden presence. all of a sudden, he’s very thankful for the sheer number of students in this lecture and the size of this lecture hall. his lecturer doesn’t seem to notice anything apart from the presentation she’s giving, so he feels comfortable enough to turn around again.

“what are you doing here? your next class doesn’t start until 2pm.” he says quietly. beomgyu crosses around and sits down next to taehyun. 

“yeah, i know.” beomgyu says casually, slinging an arm over taehyun’s shoulders and ruffling the hair at the base of taehyun’s nape. “i just wanted to come over and visit my favourite dongsaeng.”

“i’m only one year younger than you,” taehyun jabs back, ignoring how the warmth of the elder’s fingers at the back of his neck seems to transfer up his face until he’s sure his cheeks are pink.

“still my dongsaeng,” beomgyu hums. he tilts his head when he notices taehyun’s shaking hands and reaches out to grab them, then frowns when he realizes how cold they are.

“tyun. did you forget to bring a sweater?” 

in that one moment, taehyun feels like crying again, but he does his best to suck it up as he nods, not looking at beomgyu in the eye. he knows if he does, the sheer care and warmth in them will swallow him up and he’ll never make it back alive.

beomgyu lets go of taehyun’s hands and the younger wants to reach out to pull them back, but he refrains himself.

he’s been doing that a lot lately.

“take it. it’s for you.” beomgyu pushes something at him, and taehyun takes it, only to realize that it’s the hoodie beomgyu had on. he turns to look at the elder in shock, who’s only in a thin t-shirt and sweats. he just raises an eyebrow and pushes it even closer to taehyun. 

“take it. put it on. i can’t have my favourite dongsaeng becoming a popsicle,” beomgyu says, his words teasing but with an ever-present undercurrent of kindness.

perhaps taehyun is an idiot for falling for it. something like _kindness_ — what was he, a suffering stray puppy?

still, he takes the hoodie and puts it on. it falls comfortably over his shoulders, the sleeves reaching right below his fingers. he’s immediately encased by warmth, both literally and figuratively. 

it smells like beomgyu, too— typical fabric softener, and on top of that there’s the scent of his lavender body wash and sandalwood from the shampoo he uses. 

subconsciously, taehyun huddles deeper into the hoodie.

“thanks, gyu-hyung,” he mumbles, already feeling better. beomgyu smiles, warmly, and taehyun sighs inwardly. _warm._ there’s nothing about choi beomgyu that isn’t warm and comforting and — there’s another word he can’t think of that’s just on the tip of his tongue; it tastes like blueberry cupcakes and sea salt and the coolness of a spring breeze.

the lecturer clears her throat.

“that’s my cue to leave,” beomgyu says in a low voice. he stands up quietly and moves out of the row of seats, not forgetting to ruffle taehyun’s hair again as he leaves.

“see you later, tyun.” 

with a lingering smile and the slight creak of the door, taehyun turns back to his laptop and curls his fingers over the fabric of the hoodie sleeves.

 _lovely,_ he thinks, tasting it on his tongue. the word is _lovely._

  1. _‘he doesn’t drink.’_



taehyun wonders what he’s doing here.

mandatory club meeting, was it? he may be a uni sophomore already, but he kind of regrets skipping out on clubs his freshman year. he isn’t quite sure he has the time or the energy to even be here right now.

he sips from his glass. nothing alcoholic, just some pear juice to wash down the smoky taste of the barbeque they’d had earlier before moving to the bar they were at now.

“another round to our newbies!” im seojoon, the leader of their club raises a full glass in his hand, cheering sloppily as the soju in his cup spills down his sleeve, unnoticed. some of the older members cheer and drink as well, while some others stay silent and look at each other, then the glasses in their hands awkwardly.

taehyun is sitting at the end of the table, next to some brunette girl that looks about as uncomfortable as he is. he wants to go home.

why did he join this club in the first place?

as he looks around the table, he sighs inwardly when he sees that head of freshly dyed, inky black hair.

right. choi beomgyu.

beomgyu, who dyed his hair black a week ago in a last ditch attempt to win his (now ex) girlfriend, minji back, only for her to leave him for a senior because she was going to continue overseas and beomgyu wasn’t and ‘long distance just isn’t my thing, sorry, beomgyu-yah.”

he watches idly as the elder jokes around with his friends in the club, despite how he must be feeling right now. after six (four? no, five? taehyun’s not very sure about when exactly these feelings started arising for his hyung, but it’s been way too long and taehyun’s a bit numb at this point) years of knowing him, taehyun sometimes thinks he knows the elder’s feelings better than his own.

taehyun’s still unsure what a _photography_ club needs to have a gathering at a bar for, but whatever. as long as he doesn’t have to drink, he’s fine.

he had just let that thought cross his brain when a heavy hand lands on his shoulder.

“newbie!” he hears, and cringes at the permeating smell of sharp alcohol from behind him. he schools his face into a neutral smile before turning around and is met with the red, clearly drunk face of seojoon.

“seojoon-ssi,” he greets politely. anyone who knew him could clearly see the glint of unfriendliness in his wide, chestnut eyes and hear the coldness in his voice.

“taeyong, is it? no, t-taehee?” seojoon says, more mumbling to himself than anything in his drunken state. taehyun can feel the glances of the other club members on his skin and hates it.

“it’s taehyun, seojoon-ssi.” he thanks his years of meeting stuck-up relatives and casually offensive teachers that have given him the ability he has today— to face anyone with a totally neutral expression and tone despite how much he dislikes that person.

seojoon grins lopsidedly. “i can tell you’re not drinking, taehyun-ah. drink! you should be glad to drink with us!” he takes a messy slurp from his glass of soju and waves his glass around, nearly spilling on the girl next to taehyun. “in fact, i think all of you should be drinking! let’s start with the drinking games!”

“um, seojoon-hyung.” taehyun hears a familiar baritone and turns around to see beomgyu, who has stood up. 

he clears his throat. “he doesn’t drink.”

“oh? beomgyu-ah, are you speaking on tyun’s behalf?” taehyun’s hands clench into fists, his nails digging into his palm. sure, seojoon may be drunk out of his ass right now, but taehyun still finds himself disliking the elder.

besides. only _beomgyu_ has ever and will ever call him tyun. 

“yeah, actually. tyun doesn’t drink, so maybe—” 

“will _you_ drink for him, then?”

there’s a devilish smile on seojoon’s face that is jarringly different from his previous, clumsy image. taehyun feels a chill go down his spine and a frown appear on his face as he wants to protest, that no, whatever, he’ll drink, but beomgyu’s already folded his arms in that typical way he does whenever he’s challenging someone.

“yeah. i will.”

taehyun grimaces. 

once the elder makes up his mind, there’s no changing him from his lane.

when beomgyu moves to sit next to him so that it’s easier for him to drink on taehyun’s behalf, taehyun swats at his arm.

“what in _hell_ would you do that for?” taehyun hisses, and beomgyu shrugs with a light smile on his face.

“for you, obviously.”

taehyun sits back and rolls his eyes, trying his best to squash down the rising flood of feelings that threaten to choke him.

for beomgyu’s sake, he silently prays that he doesn’t lose.

four rounds of ‘truth or dare’ and six rounds of ‘never have i ever’ later, he’s cursing silently instead.

— 

tyun:

kai

can we talk for a sec

kai:

yeah what’s up

sounds serious

tyun:

beomgyu got pretty drunk jn

kai:

did he do something to you?

tyun:

no no of course not

just… he was saying some things

kai:

what kind of things?

tyun:

nice things

really nice things actually

taehyun pauses and thinks back to half an hour ago. beomgyu, way more drunk than he’s ever seen him, leaning heavily on his shoulder, warm and flushed, a lazy smile on his face. he was toying with taehyun’s fingers in his lap, and suddenly he looked up at the younger, his pretty eyes as wide as he could make them. (not very far- he looked a bit like a sleepy child trying to stay awake for santa claus.)

“taehyun-ah.” beomgyu frowns a bit, then brightens. “no— i call you tyun, right? can i keep calling you tyun?”

taehyun clears his throat. “sure, why not?” beomgyu smiles wider at this and he fucking _giggles_ into taehyun’s shoulder.

he hopes the elder can’t hear his heartbeat that’s probably at something surreal like 130 bpm or something.

“well, tyun. you’re-“ beomgyu hiccups. “you’re very nice to look at, tyun.” he concentrates for awhile on the curve of taehyun’s fingernails before continuing.

“sometimes i want to just look at you.” beomgyu pauses. “wanna, mm, just listen to you talk. your voice is pretty, too.”

taehyun was holding his breath, afraid that any movement or sound he’d make would stop the flow of alcohol-laced words from beomgyu’s lips. the elder was flirty sometimes, and had always been throughout their friendship, but never to this extent.

“ ‘m really sad, tyun.” he suddenly says, and taehyun looks down at him, startled. his eyes (long, long eyelashes) are looking down, or maybe they’re closed, and his speech is slightly slurred but there’s an undertone of genuine sadness.

“what happened, gyu-hyung?” he asks gently, softly, pressing his cheek against beomgyu’s soft hair that still smells like a hint of nice shampoo under the cigarette and barbeque smoke, as well as the beer of the pub they just came from.

“you’re so nice, tyun. you’re so- bright.” he squints a bit as if he’s actually seeing light emit from taehyun, and his heart clenches, because no. he _isn’t_ bright. beomgyu is and always has been the bright, cheery one, always there for everyone even when he didn’t have to be, the one who would fill himself up with everyone else’s problems until he had no more space left for his own.

“sometimes you’re like. you’re the sun.” beomgyu lets out a content sigh as he nuzzles into taehyun’s neck and the younger nearly combusts.

unaware of the near mess he’d nearly made taehyun into with that movement, he continues, speaking so close into the bend of taehyun’s neck that the blond can barely feel the movement of his lips against his steadily warming skin.

“you’re the sun. and ‘m just, just a plant.” beomgyu looks genuinely crestfallen that he’s just a plant and taehyun’s mouth wants to laugh but his heart is scared— so, so scared. where was he going with this?

“without you- sometimes it feels like i would stop being me if i lost you. i- i don’t think i’d live without you.” beomgyu confesses, and taehyun feels a lone tear leave the elder’s eye and make its way down the younger’s collarbone. he detaches one of his hands from beomgyu and pats the side of his neck and shoulder gently, the way he always likes to be touched.

“if you tell me this now, will you remember tomorrow morning?” taehyun whispers, as if saying it any louder would break this tentative _something_ that was forming quickly- way too quickly. beomgyu hums.

“will _you_?” he turns slightly so he can look up at taehyun, and his heart nearly leaps when he sees the look in his eyes- a bit sad, longing, hopeful.

_it’s the alcohol. it’s all just the alcohol speaking._

“ask me tomorrow and we’ll see.” taehyun says, a painful grip on his heart tightening as the taxi pulls up outside beomgyu’s house. beomgyu nods sleepily as taehyun picks him up from the seat and he leans heavily on the younger’s narrower shoulders as they walk up the driveway. he’s sure beomgyu’s dad is asleep, and he feels another pang, this time of frustration, knowing that he wouldn’t care how, when or who his son came home with.

“bye, gyu-hyung. remember- remember our promise.”

beomgyu looks at him and smiles a bit, and it’s almost like he’s totally sober. then he leans forward and taehyun doesn’t manage to duck a swift messy peck on his forehead.

“love you, tyun!” he calls as he enters his house, then clumsily shuts and locks the door behind him.

“…love you too, gyu-hyung.” he says quietly, and he feels tears building up and blurring his vision, collecting on the tips of his eyelashes.

angrily, frustrated, he wipes them off and heads home.

tyun:

he

he called me pretty.

kai:

that’s good

but why do you sound sad?

tyun:

he called me his sun. and he said he couldn’t live without me

kai:

is there something im missing?

are you okay, taehyunnie?

yes|

not reall|

i don’t kn|

tyun:

i hope so.

  1. ‘ _just stay safe.’_



the first time taehyun remembers crying after he was able to walk on his own is when he dropped a hot drink on himself by accident.

it wasn’t burning, so he didn’t hurt himself too bad, but obviously it still _hurt._ he doesn’t remember why he was allowed to carry a hot beverage around as a toddler, but he does remember his mother’s anxious words of comfort as she frantically carried him to the sink and washed his arm with cold water from the tap, and he remembers his dad returning with a new plushie after work because he’d heard that taehyun had gotten hurt and wasn’t he such a _strong boy, that’s my boy,_ for being brave and letting mom wash your arm.

of course, he also remembers the pain of the water as it had splashed on him— the heat so strong on his young, tender skin that it had felt almost cold; remembered the sting on his arm that made his eyes water and pressure build behind his nose; remembered the dull ache as the pain was washed away under the cold of the tap and under the cooling sensation of a makeshift cold press his mother had fashioned out of a dishcloth and ice.

he wishes everything was as simple now as the same hot, spiky tears sting his eyes and blur his vision as he looks at beomgyu, who looks tired.

“you said you p-promised,” taehyun says, trying his best to be steady through the flow of tears threatening to block up his throat and mouth and head, like he was about to melt into a puddle of his aching disappointment.

beomgyu frowns, and the bags under his eyes look worse. “i’m sorry, tyun. i was really drunk last night, i didn’t—”

“then— then why did you say you would?” taehyun gulps. he can’t break down now. no. he would ask his questions, he would confront beomgyu, then he would leave and cry on his own where no one else could hear him split into pieces.

“tyun, i’m really sorry, just—” beomgyu sighs.

taehyun hates it.

hates beomgyu, for looking so tired and worn out and why, why, _why_ did he push himself that hard all the time? why did he push himself to the edge constantly, never giving himself the time he needed, never let himself just _be_ instead of _being there_ ? hates him, he hates beomgyu for saying those things when he was drunk (because of _him_ ), hates beomgyu for not remembering any of it.

hates seojoon and the stupid photography club that had insisted on holding the gathering at a fucking _pub,_ hates seojoon and his dumb grinning ass for suggesting those games, hates him for being such a dick and insisting that taehyun drink and then that beomgyu drinks on his behalf.

but most of all,

he hates himself.

he hates himself because no matter how tired beomgyu is, taehyun will always be ready, will always be there for beomgyu to rest on him, no matter how many times the elder doesn’t. hates himself because no matter how much the elder doesn’t remember, no matter what he says and said and will say and does and did and will do, no matter how many times the elder will fill himself up with everyone else’s problems until he drowns his own out— 

taehyun still loves him.

and he hates every single inch of himself for it.

“it doesn’t matter,” taehyun spits out. his mind is moving too slow but his words want to come out too quickly, and his brain selects the most hurtful things he can say, whether automatically or not he doesn’t know, but he ends up saying,

“you’re just doing all this because of _minji_. isn’t that right? you went yesterday even though you didn’t have to, you got drunk even though you didn’t have to—” here, taehyun wipes fiercely at his tears and scoffs, a drowned out, wet scoff that sounds more like a sob. “because of her. none of that was for me.”

“tyun—”

“i was just gonna be a rebound, right, hyung?” taehyun hisses. it’s late and it’s drizzling out, and they were supposed to stay at the library together to study before taehyun had finally built up the courage to ask beomgyu if he remembered and the elder had just looked at him in confusion.

fuck all of that.

beomgyu sighs again, a frown gracing his features, still handsome, still soft and pretty despite his tiredness. “tyun, please, sit down, we’ll talk—”

“i don’t wanna talk to you anymore,” taehyun says with finality that scares even himself. he wants to run out and get hit by a car when he sees the look of pain and hurt that crosses beomgyu’s face at that, but he also thinks nothing can compare to the pang of heat and regret that hit him when he saw that look on the elder’s face. 

hurriedly, he stands up and starts speed-walking to the door of the library. 

“tyun, it’s late!” he hears beomgyu call from behind him, before a frustrated sigh.

“just— stay safe,” is the last thing he hears beomgyu say.

he sounds defeated, more defeated than taehyun has ever heard the elder.

taehyun runs. he runs, and he’s soaked, but he runs and runs and he doesn’t really know where he is, but he doesn’t care anymore.

he runs until he no longer feels the hot tears on his face versus the cold rain landing on his skin, until everything becomes one big, taehyun-sized mess.

then, 

he kneels down by the roadside

and buries his head in his hands.

+1. ‘ _i remember.’_

taehyun walks home.

he doesn’t know what time it is, but he walks aimlessly. his phone is dead, but he’s sure that if he finds the university, he can find his way home. 

or maybe he can’t.

it doesn’t really matter at this point.

as he walks, he basks in his shivering, his nearly numb fingertips because of the cold. it’s both uncomfortable and humid as the rain lightens up and he’s stuck between that weird medium of being soaked to the bone as he dries off. 

his cardigan is heavy on his shoulders because of the rainwater that has soaked through— he kind of regrets wearing the knitted garment, but the library is usually cold and he didn’t want to freeze.

not again.

not like that time in the classroom, when beomgyu had given him his hoodie.

taehyun scoffs at himself. why was it always beomgyu?

six. _six_ years of knowing beomgyu, being blessed enough to experience the elder’s warmth, his smiles, his loud jokes and quiet advice, his presence, always ready to listen, and his shoulders, perfect to lean on, and him. just him, him, him, beomgyu beomgyu _beomgyu—_

“taehyun!”

he laughs at himself inwardly. man, wishful thinking has really gotten to him. 

if he listened closely, he could even hear the sound of shoes splashing toward him, the steadily increasing noise of the elder panting as he ran— 

“taehyun.”

well, fuck.

taehyun doesn’t want to look.

for a long time, he doesn’t.

“tyun. please.” 

he curses his weakness.

then, he looks up slowly.

he’s met with an all-too familiar gaze that pierces right through him and sends a jolt to his heart that he hates himself for liking.

“why did you follow me?” taehyun finds himself asking. his voice comes out as cold as he’s feeling. “you should have gone home.”

“gone home?” beomgyu huffs at that, weakly, cautious, as if taehyun might snap again anytime soon.

taehyun hates that.

“how could i have gone home after you ran out like that? tyun, i— really?” beomgyu says gently, but with a hint of genuine disbelief. 

taehyun shrugs and looks away. he sort of feels like a toddler again, being berated kindly by a grown-up.

only beomgyu has always been the child-like one in this friendship.

“back at the library, when i...well, when you—” beomgyu sighs, and shakes his head quickly, as if clearing some thoughts.

“i just wanted to say,” beomgyu says quietly as he steps closer to taehyun. taehyun stands there, unable to move— perhaps unwilling to. he takes in the wetness of beomgyu’s hair, the glint of rainwater on the elder’s skin, the wet patches on his white hoodie.

“i remember.”

taehyun’s eyes shoot up to meet beomgyu’s.

_that can’t be._

_but you said—_

_you remember?_

_why did you lie?_

none of those responses seem adequate, so taehyun’s very smart and highly intelligent brain help him out and put them all together into one, very eloquent, very elegant sounding:

“huh?”

beomgyu smiles, laughs, even, but it’s gentle and still tentative.

“i remember, tyun. i remember everything.” he steps closer to taehyun, still, and taehyun closes his eyes in— regret? hope? he doesn’t know.

beomgyu’s hand reaches out and he interlocks his fingers with taehyun’s slowly, softly.

“i remember calling you pretty, and saying you were my sun,” he says, as if he’s reading from a book. taehyun stands there and just lets himself listen, lets the weight of beomgyu’s words wash over him like an ocean wave. 

“i said i couldn’t live without you, that i wouldn’t be me without you,” beomgyu says, even more softly. taehyun feels tears building up again, and hopes his closed eyelids are enough to keep them from falling. 

he feels beomgyu’s hand raking softly through his wet hair, and it’s so tender and loving that he could scream.

“i remember everything, tyun. even about minji-but that was never it, tyun, never. it was- always has been you. i— i was just scared.” beomgyu takes a deep breath. “i was scared that i didn’t mean as much to you as you do to me, and i’m sorry—”

taehyun opens his eyes at that and slaps beomgyu’s arm, hard.

“ow!” the elder says indignantly, and with that, taehyun fills up with laughter. he’s so, so relieved, yet he wants to slap beomgyu again, and also hug him at the same time.

this was more than he had ever felt, ever, and it was too much and too little and just right at the same time.

“ _why_ would you ever think that, you idiot?” taehyun scolds, but it comes out more like a whine when his tears finally escape and a sob leaps up from his throat. at this, beomgyu panics and quickly envelops the younger into a big hug.

“ ‘m sorry, tyun, i really am, i shouldn’t have made you cry like that,” he’s saying softly, apologetically, and taehyun hugs him even tighter, like he’s a lifeline.

“gyu-hyung,” taehyun says, pulling away to stare at beomgyu. he still feels too far from him, so he lifts his hands and holds either side of beomgyu’s face, squishing his cheeks together just enough that beomgyu looks like he’s pouting. 

_adorable._

“gyu -hyung,” taehyun says again, and with a deep breath,

“i love you.”

he basks in the feeling of that coming out from his own mouth for around two seconds before realizing what he’d just said.

beomgyu is staring at him, his eyes wide and shiny with affection and maybe some tears, his lips curved up in a huge smile despite his cheeks being squished together. 

“i love you too, tyun.”

then, softer:

“can i kiss you?”

taehyun just sighs and pulls beomgyu’s face closer to his own until, finally, their lips meet and taehyun’s crying again because he’s been waiting, hoping, even stopped hoping for awhile, but has always been _waiting,_ for six years.

now he tastes it, and it’s everything he’s ever wished for.

beomgyu’s lips are cold and taehyun’s sure his lips are too, after walking around in the rain for so long. but underneath that chill, he’s as warm as always, and beomgyu’s arms have snaked around taehyun’s waist to pull him closer and taehyun’s hands have shifted to the back of beomgyu’s neck, and the kiss they share is so warm that taehyun no longer feels cold anymore.

when they break apart, beomgyu rests his forehead on taehyun’s. in the slight glow of the streetlights, taehyun can make out the outline of beomgyu’s (unfairly long) eyelashes resting against the curve of his cheek, and the curve of his lips as he smiles.

taehyun’s not sure how things will go from here, but it doesn’t matter right now.

right now, all he wants to do is stay here, forever, and live in blueberry muffins and sea salt and the spring breeze and loveliness, all of this loveliness, forever.

 _actually,_ he thinks, hugging beomgyu even tighter and smiling as the elder hugs back, _i’m already there as long as i’m with him._

behind him, the sun rises slowly, peeking its molten orange head over the horizon, tinting the deep azure sky with its peachy fingers.

the sun rises,

and everything is _warm_ again.

**Author's Note:**

> heyooOOo i hope you enjoyed that word vomit hehe
> 
> its very different from my other longer fic that im writing rn that you all can check out if u want :D idk how to do hyperlinks here but it's the only other txt fic on my acc!! it's small town horror + mystery and all that good stuff so if yall r into that then feel free to check it out
> 
> in the meantime, thank you for reading!! i hope you all enjoyed it :D as always, please leave comments, they truly do make my day. have a great day and stay safe!! <3


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